Evil Jeeves

Question: Who is the author of that story?

The odd thing: within the last week, I have read two stories which are perfectly described by that plot summary. Only one of the stories was written by P.G. Wodehouse. Right Ho, Jeeves, which I read for the third or fourth or fifth (I really have no idea) time has Bertie Wooster deciding he can forgo Jeeves’ talents and solve a wealth of problems which continuously get worse until in desperation Bertie turns to Jeeves to save the day. But you knew all that as soon as you saw that the title contained with word “Jeeves.”

Right Ho, Jeeves was published in 1934. You can imagine my great shock when I read a version of this story from 1655.

Moliere’s The Bungler is the tale of young Lelie who is enamored with a slave, the extremely beautiful Celie, but cannot figure out how to win her. Fortunately, Lelie has a very clever valet, Mascarille. Consider this exchange at the outset of the play:

Lelie:
Yet I’d be foolish to despair or doubt;
With your help, I feel sure of winning out.
You’re full of clever schemes; your canny wit
Finds no predicament too much for it;
You are, I think, a king among valets;
In all the world…

Mascarille
                        Whoa! No more sugary praise.
When masters need the help of us poor hinds,
They call us paragons with brilliant minds;
But let us make some slip; and in a flash
We’re stupid scoundrels who deserve the lash.

With a few changes, that could have come straight out of any Jeeves and Wooster novel. The changes? First, Wooster and Jeeves don’t speak in verse. Moliere wrote in verse, and the translation here is the great Richard Wilbur translation (if you are going to read Moliere in English, do not even think of reading any other translation).

It is the second difference between the Moliere play and a Wodehouse novel which is the more intriguing. What Mascarille says above is not something that Jeeves would ever say. He might think it, but he would never say it. It is most definitely true—every Jeeves and Wooster story begins with Bertie sporting a new bit of rather loud clothing or facial hair which Jeeves abhors and Bertie in effect declares that Jeeves is a stupid scoundrel lacking taste—but Jeeves would still never say this. Jeeves always maintains a perfect outward demeanor.

What follows is very much in the Jeeves and Wooster line. Mascarille hatches a plan which will cleverly allow Lelie to leave the scene with Celie as his wife, and Lelie shows up and manages to bungle the entire plan. Over and over. A part of the humor in the play is watching how Lelie bungles yet another perfect plan. It makes no difference if Lelie knew the plan in advance or not; he never fails to ruin it.

The plot is not the only source of humor; the wit in the dialogue is extraordinary. Consider this exchange:

Lelie: Help me, I beg of you.
Mascarille: No, I’ll do nothing.
Lelie: If you won’t change your mind, I’ll kill myself.
Mascarille: Do, if you’re so inclined.
Lelie: You won’t relent?
Mascarille: No.
Lelie: You see that my sword is drawn?
Mascarille: Yes.
Lelie: I shall thrust it through my heart.
Mascarille: Go on.
Lelie: Won’t you be sad to have taken my life from me?
Mascarille: No.
Lelie: Then, farewell.
Mascarille: Farewell, Monsieur Lelie.
Lelie: So! . . .
Mascarille: Hurry up, please; less talk, more suicide.
Lelie: Because you’d get my wardrobe if I died,/ You’d have me play the fool and pierce my heart.
Mascarille: I knew that you were faking, from the start./ Men often swear to kill themselves, and yet/ Few of them, nowadays, make good their threat.

Humor relies on the unexpected and there is no way that any reader expected Mascarille’s lines in that bit of dialogue. Jeeves is also extremely funny, but one again, Jeeves would never say to Bertie “Less talk; More Suicide.” Never.

Therein lies the big difference between the two valets. Jeeves is good; Mascarille is not. The trailer for The Bungler: “What if Jeeves decided to become morally bankrupt.” This evil Jeeves is every bit as clever as the Jeeves we know, but this Jeeves is perfectly willing to concoct a plan which involves lying to Lelie’s father, Pandolfe, to send him on a wild goose chase out of town and then telling Anselme that Pandolfe has died, staging a funeral, and then asking Anselme for money to help Lelie pay the funeral expenses—all so Lelie can get the money he needs to buy Celie from her owner so he can run off with her. A clever plan to be sure, but of course it fails.

We get a glimpse into the soul of Mascarille in a remarkable soliloquy which seems positively Shakespearean in the midst of a madcap story. He begins with a debate within himself:

Hush, my good nature; you haven’t a grain of sense.
And I’ll no longer hear your arguments.
It’s you, my anger, that I’ll listen to.
Am I obliged forever to undo
The blunders of a clod? I should resign!

He is right; there is no reason he should continue to strive to help his bumbling fool of a master. We never once get the impression that Jeeves is angry with Bertie for being a fool, but that is a level of heroic resolve which seems quite above mortals. Mascarille has no such calm. It is annoying, truly annoying to have a bumbling master.

But why does Mascarille persist in working for Lelie? It isn’t about service at all.

Were I to let my just impatience rule me,
They’d say that I’d been quick to call it quits,
And that I’d lost the vigor of my wits;
And what them would become of my renown
As the most glorious trickster in the town,
A reputation that I’ve earned by never
Failing to think of something wildly clever?

Once again, the contrast with Jeeves is revealing. Jeeves is the most clever person in the Wodehouse pantheon. Indeed, Jeeves may be the most clever person in the literary pantheon. Jeeves vs Hamlet in a battle of wits? I’d bet on Jeeves. Yet, while Jeeves would have every right to utter these lines about his reputation, it is inconceivable he would ever say such a thing, even in an aside to the audience.

Then comes the most fascinating pair of lines in Mascarille’s soliloquy:

O Mascarille, let honor be your guide!
Persist in those great works which are your pride.

Mascarille is a devious trickster engaged in any number of immoral schemes, and yet, in deciding to persist in his ways, he is letting honor be his guide. Honor? It is hard to find an honorable act in the whole play. Right after talking of honor, Mascarille explains:

And though your master irks you, persevere
Not for his sake, but for your own career.

Mascarille may be many things, but honorable is not one of them.

The disturbing note: imagine a person who has the inventive genius of Jeeves and Mascarille. Which moral character is more realistic? I’m afraid it isn’t even close. I can far more easily imagine meeting Mascarille than Jeeves.

Moliere is not listed in the index of Robert McCrum’s biography of P.G. Wodehouse, but if Wodehouse had never read this play before concocting Jeeves and Wooster, that would be amazing. If you like Wodehouse (and you should like Wodehouse), I am happy to heartily recommend the Richard Wilbur translation of The Bungler. In addition to all the other joys contained therein (the play, by the way that Victor Hugo said was Moliere’s best), you’ll get the added enjoyment of watching the evil version of Jeeves in action.

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